Unrestricted access.

For all the parents out there who worry that their kids are spending too much time in front of the tv or computer, who restrict TV/computer time to a certain number of hours per week or have a constant battle on their hands to keep their kids away from one screen or another, I want to share my experience.

Ive never really been the type of parent who implements structure.

 As babies they ate when hungry and as much as they needed and slept when tired for as long as they required. I had no timetable, nothing was measured and even though my husband and I both worked when my eldest was a baby we still found this the easiest way to handle things. Both my babies were very happy and contented with no health problems.

In our house my kids have unrestricted access to a TV, DVD player and over 100 kids movies ,a computer, a tablet ,internet, personal music player and Nintendo DS.

My little one is attending pre school but R is at home most days therefore allowing plenty of potential screen time each day.

I've been casually observing and noting how much time they spend in each activity, paying particular attention to the days when they are both at home all day. I have discovered that with unrestricted access they choose to spend their time as follows.

 For every one hour of screen time they spend one hour studying/reading or being creative and two hours playing outside. In other words given complete freedom they choose to spend most of their free time outdoors in the garden or engaged in a creative activity.

 Now of course things can vary. If they get a new game or new movie that they particularly enjoy then they may spend more time than average in those screen time activities, just as if they get a new book or toy they spend a few days / weeks with the new interest, but it always levels back out again once the novelty wears off ,if they are given unrestricted access.

Its always been my philosophy that if kids are given the chance to regulate themselves, they always balance out naturally. This applies to every sphere of life i.e eating, sleeping, studying etc.

The problem is that most peoples lives don't facilitate this theory as kids and parents spend most of their time out of the home at school and work and meeting the demands of other peoples timetables.

If a child is spending 6 hours a day in school they may try to redress the balance with some down time in front of the TV when they get home or by playing computer games. The best a parent can do in this situation is provide a decent choice of alternatives.

 The other problem is that we are so used to being told how to do things that we begin to think that we need to be told how. We then believe that if we don't tell our kids how often and how long they can play computer games for, then they wont know.

In many ways its the act of making it a conscious desicion that is the cause of the problem. As soon as we focus on the issue of telly time it becomes a problem. If we expand our interests and don't mention it, its not important and doesn't become a problem.

Its a bit like dieting. As soon as you start focusing on your eating being the problem it becomes even more of a problem. Whereas if you just lead a healthy lifestyle and don't focus on the eating, your weight doesn't  becomes an issue so you don't need to think about dieting.

Anyway whatever our view or experience I think we can all agree that spending time outdoors is beneficial to our kids as is reading and being creative.

Here are some facts:-

Children are spending half as much time outdoors as they did 20 years ago. (Juster et al 2004); (Burdette & Whitaker 2005); (Kuo & Sullivan 2001)

In a typical week, only 6% of children ages 9-13 play outside on their own. (Children & Nature Network, 2008)

• Children who play outside are more physically active, more creative in their play, less aggressive and show better concentration. (Burdette and Whitaker, 2005; Ginsburg et al., 2007)

• Sixty minutes of daily unstructured free play is essential to children’s physical and mental health. (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2008

Its pretty obvious that kids are not spending as much time outdoors as they should despite parents best efforts. With all the distractions in our lives it can be difficult to strike a balance and it seems that most parents believe that its their responsibility to regulate their kids.

Maybe its time to take the pressure off the parents and start trusting our kids.

 Just maybe, if we stop making it an issue it wont become one.

So according to my experience  children with the freedom to choose their own activities with no guidance from the parent will strike a healthy balance between indoor and outdoor pursuits if the opportunity for a variety of activities is provided by the parent.

My kids are lucky as they have plenty of outdoor space to play in and this provides ample opportunity for unstructured outdoor play.

Favourite games for my girls, along with their cousins and friends, which they play on a regular basis (daily) in our garden are swinging on the rope swings , jumping on the trampoline, making mud pies, running races, cricket/badminton/football, catch and cook, agility courses with the dogs, role play e.g spy kids, Power rangers ,Robin Hood, Bridge to Terabithia, fishing, bird watching, and making dens.

Other favourite creative activities include painting, drawing ,colouring, cutting and glueing, clay modelling,dressing up and role play eg libraries ,shops, restaurants, schools etc, face painting, sewing, cooking and reading.

One of the great things about homeschooling is that it does require a lot of self direction from the children and it frees up a lot of time. Time which can be spent  engaged in activity.... or just hanging around.......!!

 Its important to remember that whatever children decide to do with their time, they are always learning. Living life is learning. Even when playing computer games! Also that kids, because of their natural curiosity and innate desire to learn, will usually consciously or subconsciously choose an activity which will be a challenge and therefore learning at some level, filling in the gaps in their experience. They dont need us to tell them what they are. They already know! Just give them the opportunity. Trust your kids!

If you found this interesting then please take a look at the following article which I just found on the same subject.  http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/peter_gray4.html

Finding our way

One of the scariest but best things about homeschooling is the freedom.
 Not having to stick to a routine,curriculum or structure devised by someone else. Having complete freedom to decide for ourselves when, where and what to learn and how.Its fantastic but also at the same time daunting.
 I think anyone who keeps their kids out of school must feel the same way at times because it appears that there is so much room for error .Am I cut out for the job, as a parent to homeschool? Will my kids learn as much at home as they do in school? Will they be motivated to learn at home? The list of questions is endless and if you look on any homeschool  forum you will find plenty of questions asked by those considering or starting out in homeschooling.
When researching homeschooling you also come across the many different ways you can educate your kids. Countless online curriculums, flexischooling  homeschooling, unschooling, radical unschooling, whole learning to name just a few.
R stopped going to school three and a half months ago and over that time I have been asked many times about how we are doing with the homeschooling. Of course people are interested and have varied opinions on the subject. My answer to the question is always that "We are doing just fine, thankyou." which we are, but to be truthful we have not been homeschooling. At least not in the true sense of the word. School text books have been opened up on the odd occasion and R still attends hindi tuition classes, she still studies maths, english, science etc but we have not followed any set curriculum, I have not devised a timetable,we dont have a fixed time or place to study and only a few times have I actually asked her to do any school work. I have pretty much left her to her own devices. Some days she has sat and worked her way through a maths work book, some days she has read her latest library book from dawn til dusk,other days she has watched Discovery Kids on TV for most of the day or spent the entire day in the garden playing with her dogs and planting seeds etc.. the choice is hers.
Many times she has had to tag along with me whilst I do my work and she often has to be imaginative in how to fill her time whilst Im in meetings etc too.
Some people call what we are doing 'Deschooling'. However we are not doing it because someone said we should or because we need to label what we are doing. We are doing this because we needed to. I believe it has been necessary.
Why? Well towards the end of her time in school R really began to lose her way. She was getting good grades but she had lost the motivation  to learn. I began to worry about her because she was losing that desire and enjoyment in learning which had been there before and was feeling a lot of pressure to put time and energy into doing things which were not meaningful to her. Essentially she was losing her connection with herself.
This time out of school has been precious because it has allowed her to just BE. To be a child , to be free. It has created a space in which she can decide for herself and in her own time what is important and meaningful.
Lately I have been noticing the changes in R. She has grown in confidence. She asks more questions. She asks BIG questions. She doesnt just accept the first answer you give her,she takes the subject further. Shes more curious. She happily takes on responsibilty. She speaks up if something appears wrong to her. Shes more willing to try new things. She explores many different ways of doing things. She sees the wonder in everything now. She is HAPPY.
The school year is drawing to an end here in India and R's friends are studying for exams. R wont be taking any exams and her school year isnt ending. She is  thinking, planning, speculating about which books she wants to study from, bookmarking websites, researching topics, considering new hobbies, she has  a renewed motivation to learn, a  rekindled desire to research,study and learn new skills. She knows that its all up to her and shes embracing the responsibilty.
As I write its 8.30pm on a Friday night. My girls have just come back from the beach where they swam and played,  then along with their dad helped the local fishermen haul in their fishing net. They came home with a share of the fish which they first identified as a ladyfish and sardines then watched as their dad showed them how to prepare and cook them. The whole time R was explaining to her little sister the nutritional benefits of eating fish. They ate their fish dinner and are both now sprawled out on the lounge floor in their PJ's creating projects on chart paper about animals.

Is this homeschooling? I dont know what it is but its life and learning, free kids, happy kids and it works for us.

Circus

       I rather reluctantly took my kids to the circus this year in Mapusa. I say reluctantly because my previous visit to the circus 5 years ago left me feeling rather sad about the condition of the animals and the way they were treated.
The girls really wanted to go and I heard some good reports about this circus so I bought the tickets and off we went.
I am of the opinion that its better for a child to decide for themselves wether something is ok or not through experience and their own critical thinking. So without saying to much about what I think we went along to enjoy the show.
R could not remember her first visit to a circus and K had never been so it was a new experience for them both and they were very excited.
The show did not disappoint. trapeze artists, clowns,stilt walking, motorcycle stunts and of course animals.
This time the animals looked quite well cared for and respected. The girls enjoyed watching the show and discussed excitedly between themselves as they took everything in.

It was only when we reached home that I realised just how much had been going on in their minds during the show.
Straight away K went to the book shelf and took out her picture book about the circus and  R sat straight down at her desk and started writing.
Half an hour later, dinner is ready and I call the girls to come and eat. R doesnt come immediately, she just has to finish writing and K appears at the table, circus book in hand ready to tell me in great detail everything she had seen, refering to the pictures in her book and trying to spell out some of the simple words.
R finally appears with a three page essay about her experience at the circus including her opinion on the use of animals in the show and what changes she would like to see.

K states that she would like to go back to the circus tomorrow to watch the trapeze performance again as she feels that its something she could do ( and maybe she could give it a try!) and R would like to return to talk to the ringmaster about her ideas on improving the life of the animals.
So visiting the circus was a great experience for us all and is a good example of how everyday life experience can be educational. I realise that not all kids are going to go home and write an essay! This is just the way that R processes the information. But learning does happen all the time and everyday experiences often do lead on to further questions or activities. Also allowing our kids to form their own opinions without being biased by our own is important. It allows for critical thinking and helps them to understand their own feelings before hearing other peoples ideas. Our opinions are not fixed, they grow with us but having the chance to see things clearly from the very beginning is an opportunity we owe our kids.

Cooking school

R always wants to help me in the kitchen as Im sure most kids do. Her interest in cooking though extends to her watching cookery programs on TV, and spending her hard earned pocket money on cookery books. More recently she has begun making simple dishes for herself with minimal help eg omelette and toast, noodles, french toast etc. But she wants to learn more so I enrolled us both on a one day Goan cookery course.

On the course, run by a lovely lady called Mutki , we learned to make three dishes and two types of indian bread.

Directed by Mutki we prepared and cooked all the ingredients ourselves and in between we made notes of recipes and methods in a notebook.

We both learned a great deal and enjoyed the experience thoroughly.

As well as cooking the dishes we tasted them too and believe me they were delicious!

So excited was R about her new found knowledge that on the way home we had to stop to buy the ingredients to make the dishes all over again at home!

For lunch today she single handedly prepared cooked and served for herself and I Palak paneer and chapatis. This evening she has planned Dal fry, mushroom masala with aloo parathas. Not bad for a nine year old.

Now whos a lucky mummy!



Shooting for the stars!

Since she was five years old R has regularly taken part in film shoots for TV commercials and still shoots for advertising and brochures.

http://www.dungarpurfilms.com/movies/29_dominos.html

 It is something which she increasingly enjoys and wants to do more of. At the beginning I was skeptical about letting her do this but with experience I have recognised the benefits. R is naturally shy and is often found working behind the scenes on any group project. However she actually has a great desire to be recognised and loves a chance to shine. During a shoot you are guaranteed a moment or several in the spotlight. You are given multiple chances of getting it right and the end reward is to see yourself on TV or in a magazine and recognition from others too. On the day you are treated well, you get your hair and makeup done by a professional and you have your own stylist. What more could any little girl want?

It goes without saying that you have to be picky about which shoots you accept. I generally ask firstly where the shoot will take place, how long is it expected to last and what will my child be expected to do?

Transport, meals and payment per day are given as standard. I always accompany R to a shoot and stay with her throughout the day.

There is a lot to be learned from the priviledge of being behind the scenes at a shoot and generally the crew are open, friendly and great with kids.

R enjoys seeing how outfits are selected and put together, how models are transformed with hairstyling and makeup and then how they perform in front of the camera. In between her shots she sits at the back of the crew taking the shot and watches on the computer screen as the shots are taken live and then edited. Its interesting to see how scenery is set up, lighting arranged and how problems are solved often quickly and often ingeniously under pressure.

I have watched with pride as R has progressed from being cast as the shy,sweet little one to being the main model, showing all her confidence and maturity that has been gained through her experience over the years. I anticipate many more film shoots ahead, not because Im a pushy mum who wants her child to be famous but because R herself feels that she is learning something about herself and the world through this experience. Watching professionals at work and being an important component in a production, knowing that they are relying on you to do a good job as much as you are relying on them teaches responsibilty, team work and accountibilty and seeing the end result boost self confidence. For as long as she finds it beneficial we shall continue with the shoots. It may or may not become a career but the exposure, experience and memories are something she will keep forever.

Vocational learning

R has been asking for a baby brother or sister recently. Its not going to happen, so I found her the next best thing. A babysitting job!
For the last 2 months, 3 mornings a week, R and I have been helping out with taking care of a neighbour's small baby.
I would like to share with you our experience, in particular R's experience.
Taking care of a baby is a huge responsibility and not to be taken lightly. Knowing how R takes everything she does seriously ,I knew she would commit herself fully to the undertaking and do whatever was required to the best of her ability.
R started out with relatively no experience in babycare. Memories of her little sister being a baby are distant now and so I knew it would take her some time to build up her confidence.

For a couple of weeks she watched me do everything. I waited patiently. I knew the day would come when she would ask if she could do something. Holding the baby came first. Then helping to change a nappy swiftly followed by undressing and dressing the baby. Feeding and winding him then measuring and making up the bottle.
I can honestly say that now R  not only knows how to take care of a baby, but is confident, happy and comfortable doing so. Not only has the experience been a joyful one but she has learned a lot about herself. She has learned responsibility and to trust herself . She has grown in capability and confidence. She has contributed something worthwhile to another human being, made a lasting impression on a whole family and provided lasting memories for a baby who shall one day become an adult and ask about his childhood.
Soon we have to say goodbye to our baby friend, as he will be leaving Goa. We always knew he was only here for a short time, nevertheless it will be hard to say goodbye. Maybe there is another lesson still to be learned...letting go of our attachments.

So conclusion - vocational learning in a job you are interested in and passionate about, even at 9 years of age - successful and definately worthwhile.
 I wonder where R's interests will take us next! Watch this space to find out!

Roshni and the school community

We are extremely lucky to have the support of R's previous school as we venture into homeschooling.
R attended First Steps pre school followed by Green Meadows Primary School in Goa, which are both run by a very special lady, Mrs Robbie Panesar.
R has always had a very special relationship with Mrs Robbie, based on mutual respect and understanding. Mrs Robbie could see right from the beginning how difficult  found the school environment and helped her with patience and understanding, allowing R to grow in confidence at her own pace.
She never pushed R and never made an issue out of her sensitivity. As a result, school became a safe place for her to grow in confidence and ability and provided her with a real sense of belonging.
It was not an easy decision to take R out of school but we are able to maintain our relationship with Mrs Robbie and her school by taking part in school library lessons, extra curricular activities, shows and events. This allows R to see her teachers and friends on a regular basis and keep up to date with what everyone is doing in school.
Today R took part in a sponsored walk, along with her school friends, to raise funds for the school library. Knowing that her contribution benefits herself, her friends and the school is an invaluable lesson in how important we each are, as individuals, to the community.

In a country where the education system is outdated and schools generally have a closed door policy it is refreshing to find a school with a more open minded approach towards education and a warm, understanding attitude towards its students.
R may have chosen to walk her own path with regards to her future education, but the foundation for that path is based on a continuing, supportive relationship with those people who have helped to guide her and encourage her this far.
Thankyou to Mrs Robbie Panesar and staff of Green Meadows for helping R to see that the things which make her different are what make her strong and that choosing to follow a different path does not mean that she has to be alone.
For more information about Green Meadows Primary school, Goa  please visit their website at http://www.greenmeadowsschool.com/